It’s funny how much your life can change in an instant. In a matter of seconds something that is the most important to you above all else…. your family.. becomes threatened. This past Monday I took my Mom to a doctor’s appointment to find out the results of biopsy test. To be honest, I wasn’t worried. I woke up that day the same as any other day. I just knew that it would be nothing…. well that’s not entirely true. Of course in the back of my mind the thought was there.. the dreaded what if ? But call it denial, call it blind faith.. whatever you want to call it, I wasn’t overly concerned.
We get to the appointment… and we both knew that when they started dragging up 1.. then 2.. then 3 chairs that this wasn’t going to be the “Oh, you’re just fine..” results we were hoping for. Even then, I am still thinking….”Ok… maybe they are just going to tell us that the benign tumor will need to be removed and are wanting to discuss the procedure.” The doctor comes in and then gives us the results…. it’s cancer…Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I have to tell you, after that, it pretty much seemed like one of those scenes in a movie where you are seeing through the eyes of a character and their mind trails off… voices fade… and the room kind of blurs.
It didn’t last long because I instantly went into the mindset of “Okay, now what?” I had to be strong not only for my Mother, but also myself. The news could have been a whole lot better… but it could also have been a whole lot worse. The tumor is fairly small… not as small as they would have liked.. but about the size of a dime. I’m thinking let’s get her into surgery NOW… I want it out. Period. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. We go back in tomorrow for an MRI, that will help them determine more of a big picture of what we’re dealing with. Monday morning is the appointment with the surgeon…
As crazy as it may seem… I haven’t cried… not one tear. Not really sure why. I don’t know if it’s because it just hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t know if it’s because in my mind defeat is not an option… and that this is just one of those times where you make the decision early on that you will do whatever, whatever it takes to get through this. We are all tested at some point in our lives. I can’t say that this is a test that I look forward to, but it was the one given. We will pass this test, and any other test that comes our way. “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” We are going to kick cancer’s butt.